Wow! Last nights marathon session of catch-up posting was quite the release.
No one IRL really knows we are TTC, and certainly no one knows the details. S’s mom knows we have tried at least once and I think my mom knows but hasn’t really asked anything specific. All along we planned on keeping things quiet. I used to joke that we would just show up with a baby. I had considered a blog but just couldn’t bring myself to type it all out. It made it all too real. I am so glad I did it though. No matter what kind of closet you are in, it always feels so much better to be out!
This cycle is a big one for us. It will be S’s sixth attempt and while I know that is really not that long, it feels like an eternity when I see her so defeated and sad. This cycle will cost a small fortune and that is on top of the approx $10,000 I estimate we have already spent. It’s insane isn’t it? Why the hell isn’t this covered by insurance? Viagra is covered but fertility treatments are like the liposuction of coverage. I will never understand health care in this country, never.
Tomorrow is CD 3, vag cam for S and possible Follistim start. She is dreading the ultrasound and is positively disgusted at having to do one while AF is here. I reassured her as best I could but I am pretty sure I saw her shudder. I will just hold her hand, look directly at her and distract her from the ickiness of it all. It will all be worth it when we get to hold our baby.
Dear RE will not even have the option of a screw up this cycle. He is going to hate me but I don’t really care. My wife is scared, hurting, confused and heartbroken right now. I will not allow anyone to drop the ball or fail her in any way this time around.
This cycles motto is: “Failure is not an option”
July 9, 2008 at 6:45 pm
Thank you for delurking and I am happy that you have started a blog. It sounds like you and S have been through so very much. My heart goes out to you espicially on the not up to par sperm and the screwy timing of your cycles. I hope this is the cycle for you guys, and I am excited to hear what you both think of the follistem - as I think that might be my next step if this cycle does not work. Welecome to blogland. This has been such a good place for me and H. and I hope you find it to be too.
July 9, 2008 at 9:39 pm
Thank you so much for you kind words. I will keep you posted on the Follistim front. Here is hoping this is it for both of us
July 9, 2008 at 11:07 pm
hey– I am coming here from Mrs. Bluemont’s– I am so sorry that you have had to deal with so much shit– blogging should definitely help– there are a lot of us out there. I will be really interested to hear about the Follistim– we may be headed there soon. I hope this is your cycle!
July 9, 2008 at 11:46 pm
Hi, thanks for commenting, I’ve just caught up in your trials and I’m so sorry it’s been awful thus far. I hope this month goes smoothly and that there’s a BFP for you just a short time from now.
July 10, 2008 at 1:18 am
Thanks for sharing your blog. I’m sorry this hasn’t been the easy journey we all hope for. Your ‘online’ friends are always around to listen and lend support.