Wow! Last nights marathon session of catch-up posting was quite the release.

No one IRL really knows we are TTC, and certainly no one knows the details. S’s mom knows we have tried at least once and I think my mom knows but hasn’t really asked anything specific. All along we planned on keeping things quiet. I used to joke that we would just show up with a baby. I had considered a blog  but just couldn’t bring myself to type it all out. It made it all too real. I am so glad I did it though. No matter what kind of closet you are in, it always feels so much better to be out!

This cycle is a big one for us. It will be S’s sixth attempt and while I know that is really not that long, it feels like an eternity when I see her so defeated and sad. This cycle will cost a small fortune and that is on top of the approx $10,000 I estimate we have already spent. It’s insane isn’t it? Why the hell isn’t this covered by insurance? Viagra is covered but fertility treatments are like the liposuction of coverage. I will never understand health care in this country, never.

Tomorrow is CD 3, vag cam for S and possible Follistim start. She is dreading the ultrasound and is positively disgusted at having to do one while AF is here. I reassured her as best I could but I am pretty sure I saw her shudder. I will just hold her hand, look directly at her and distract her from the ickiness of it all. It will all be worth it when we get to hold our baby.

Dear RE will not even have the option of a screw up this cycle. He is going to hate me but I don’t really care. My wife is scared, hurting, confused and heartbroken right now. I will not allow anyone to drop the ball or fail her in any way this time around.

This cycles motto is: “Failure is not an option”

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