Dr. M insisted we come and see him today. We were in no mood and were watching our friends  daughter for the day, but we went anyway. I felt so guilty about having a child in the RE’s office. I hate when other people do that but Ididn’t have much of a choice. I rushed her in, sat her in the farthest, darkest corner and stood in front of her the whole time. I still felt like a jerk.

I think he was ready for some hostility, tears or anger from me but I threw him off by staying absurdly calm. I like to keep him guessing 🙂 They made S take a pg test, the third negative of the day. I asked about a beta but he dismissed me, until he saw the U/S. S’s lining is a 9+, hardly the lining of a woman with AF. He agreed that AF breaking through prometrium this early was very odd. He said that he would do the beta, just to be sure. He said he expects a negative. Gee, thanks. At least he finally listened to us. It only took 6 months! In all honesty, we know it will be negative but some explanation is needed. Maybe the blood work will help us find our answer.

Apparently S has a CL cyst that will probably not go away by CD3. We can aspirate it or sit out a month. He wants us to sit out a month. UGH. He swears he will be aggressive with meds, even give us some meds to save us some money. He will up her Prometriumto 3x per day. He didn’t even charge us for today’s visit. It’s nice that he is trying but it might be too little too late. We haven’t made up our minds about anything yet. It all feels a bit overwhelming right now. What would you do?

We are just waiting for confirmation of a negative beta now. We have cried it all out and now just feel really tired and in need of ice cream.

I am always amazed at the range of emotions we can have in such a short period of time. From scared to hopeful to devastated in just a day or so. I think all of this has taught me that my faith in the power of our dreams cannot be broken. I know I falter a bit during bad moments but I always bounce back. No one, not even Dr. M, will keep us from becoming mommies. I won’t let it happen.

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