S and I are still going back and forth about what to do next.

We cannot manage the fees with the new clinic just yet so we are on hold there. We still have two vials on ice with the awful Dr. M. We have discussed doing a natural TI cycle with the two remaining vials next month.

We could; 1 try at home, though IUI samples aren’t great for that or, 2 suck it up and see Dr. M one last time. Actually, there is a secret choice 3, we could save those vials for when we can start at the new clinic.

All of these ideas sound crappy to me. I feel like none of them offers us a real chance. I am getting so frustrated and antsy. I feel like we are falling behind, losing momentum and hope by the second. I feel like there are signs everywhere that something is going to happen. I just don’t know what or when.

A few months ago someone posted a link for a free BPA free baby bottle. I never sign up for bay related freebies. I assumed it would jinx us. HA! I signed up and this weekend we got our little package. I just kind of stare at it, wondering if I will ever need it.

I bought a friend of mine some baby clothes and they are hanging in our closet. Tiny and perfect. I keep trying to make myself send them to her but I can’t seem to part with them.

I keep dreaming about positive pregnancy tests, labor and babies.

Today I called and requested information about becoming a foster parent. We talked about doing this some time ago but I finally pushed the subject. I have nothing but time since I am not working and more love to give than I know what to do with. I will confess that I wanted to hear that I could do all the paperwork rigth this very second but… it’s a county agency. It will be a month before I can even attend the informational meeting.  Meanwhile, all these kids have nowhere to go for the holidays. They could be with us instead.

Everything is moving at a snails pace, everything except time, which I feel is running out for us. I cannot be childless anymore. I just can’t.

So, choices 1, 2 and 3. What would you do?