It seems that I am a bit emotional these days ( said with much sarcasm )

I can feel the grief of the last year very plainly upon my heart. I know I am mourning the loss of possibility. I know I am aching for something out of reach.

I guess I wasn’t prepared for what the holidays would add to that sorrow.

What I didn’t know was that the sight of babies would physically hurt. I never knew that photos of a 7 month old in my inbox would feel like a knife in my heart. I didn’t know that my favorite time of year would seem so sad and empty. I had no idea that I would actually become jealous of the Duggars, stupid hair and all. I wish someone had warned me that the Rice Krispie commercial and the Hallmark commercial would make me cry. I wish I hadn’t seen the tiny little holiday dresses and suits in the store.

I had no idea you could grieve so much over something that never even existed.

I am grateful for many things this year; my wife, our new home, my friends here in blogland. But I think, for the first time ever, I am going to be very grateful for the passage of time. 

I cannot wait for this year to be over. 

I want to crack open the new calendar and see the days filled with only possibility and hope.

I know it’s early but here’s to 2009! May it bring all of us our hearts desire.