I am consistent, you gotta give me that.

In keeping with this year’s theme, craptacular, I decided to tempt the fates. I announced with bravery, “Go ahead, bring it on. You have a few weeks left to screw with me. After December 31, 2008, though, hands-off.”

I guess someone was listening a little too well that day. If there are any men reading, or anyone squeamish, run, run far far away from this post. It’s filled with TMI grossness.

Here are the important pieces of info; I have PCOS. I went from not having a period at all to having never ending periods ( like3- 4 weeks at a time ) that alternate between spotting for days on end to heavy bleeding/clotting. The bleeding is worse when I am stressed out/upset. My family is dysfunctional. Do you see where this is going?

The days before Thanksgiving I baked my heart out. I made dozens of bite-sized pies, 4 different kinds. I made cornbread, homemade ice cream and whipped cream. I couldn’t wait for my favorite holiday.

We went to my MIL’s house first. We had a mellow and nice time. My usual bleeding had lessened to almost nothing and I was feeling pretty good.

We went to my family dinner next. I usually enjoy the holidays with them, despite the craziness. However, the last two holidays were not so much fun because a certain relative had declared open season on me, why I will never know. I was determined though to smile pretty the whole night. Here is what happened instead.

We arrive and get nasty looks from said relative, relative says something nasty to S, relative rolls eyes at place cards, dessert and everything I say. Relative interrupts every conversation I am having with others. Relative starts to yell at me 5 minutes before sitting down to dinner. Relative keeps yelling. I finally lose it and yell back, loud. Relative gets louder. No one tries to stop the fight. I storm out, relative follows, still yelling. I sit in the guest bathroom trying to calm down. S comes up to sit with me. We discuss leaving. I am sure my mom, or her mom, will come and smooth things over or check on us. They don’t. We take our desserts and leave, not saying goodbye. I am heartbroken that my own mother doesn’t care enough to see if I am okay.

I start to cry in the car, mini pies go flying. Chocolate cream is everywhere, dashboard, shoes, purse, air vents, windows. I cry even harder. We find a do-it-yourself carwash and spend and hour, in the cold, scrubbing the seats, windows, purses etc. We find a coffee shop and finally eat dinner.

We decide to nap for two hours and hit the Black Friday sales to cheer ourselves up. I am bleeding again. We shop for a bit and at our last store I feel a huge warm gush. I am bleeding badly. We go home and see I have bled through all of my clothes. I lay down because I feel faint. I continue to bleed all night but not as badly. My back feels like it’s on fire. I cry knowing that I will never have a baby if my cycles stay this out of control. My mom calls to say hi, she apologizes and says she didn’t know what to do so she didn’t come up. I don’t believe her but accept her apology.

Saturday the bleeding calms down but I still feel a bit woozy. Saturday night I start to bleed again, this time with huge clots. Sunday is worse but I am determined to keep our dinner plans. I build a wall of Kotex and pray for the best. With every step I can feel clots falling out of me and I feel very tired. S is worried but I insist we finish dinner. The meal energized me and I assured her we could walk around and window shop.

We get up to go to the bathroom and it feels like my insides have fallen out. I start to shake. I have bled through the wall of Kotex, and my jeans. There was a lot of blood, more than I have ever seen. I keep insisting to S that I am fine while madly scrubbing the stains out of my jeans. I realize I am still bleeding into the toilet. I am having a hard time breathing. I force myself to stop shaking. I feel like I am cleaned up enough to come out but when I try to stand up blood begins to pour onto the floor. S is terrified. I am mortified and start to whimper. I don’t want anyone to see. The room starts to spin, I can’t feel my hands, things start to go black. My pride takes over and somehow I manage to clean up the blood.

S says we are going to the hospital. I refuse, worried about money. She threatenes to call my mom. She doesn’t though. She takes me home, our plans ruined. I cry again, sure I will never have a baby and scared something is really wrong. She helps me change clothes and makes me sit down. I remember nothing but waking up two hours later, having bled through my second set of clothes. I refuse the hospital again but secretly wish I was there.

The whole night goes on like this. I bleed through 3 more sets of clothes, the old duvet and towel I was sitting on.  I was so thirsty, I couldn’t stop drinking water. It was hard to talk and walking was out. Every movement brought another gush of blood.  I reassure S I am not dying but wonder if I am. I finally fall asleep while a worried S keeps watch.

Monday brings a lot less blood and almost no clotting. I insist she go to work, that I am fine. She calls every hour. I feel tired, but better.

Today, so far, no blood at all. Thank G-D!

No more family holidays for me. I can’t go through that again.

I am really, really over 2008.

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