I am antsy. Not just at this second, all the time.  I feel anxious and jittery. The clock is ticking at a sickening speed.

I am strolling along in the fast lane, everyone is passing me by. 

I am supposed to be patient, waiting for the waters to clear. I am supposed to be working on getting the PCOS under control. I am supposed to be blissful, knowing my time is coming soon.

I am neither blissful or in control of anything, especially the hateful PCOS. I am upset, terrified that it will never be my turn. I feel as though I am getting left behind. The fear has rendered me totally useless.

It’s not fair. Oh, I know I sound like a spoiled, whiny brat. Maybe I am. But I don’t care right now. I am ANGRY.  If I thought throwing a  full-on kicking and screaming tantrum would help, I would get down on the floor right this second.

We poured 100% of our love, support and finances into all of S’s tries and it feels like there is nothing left for me. 

Why in hell is there never anything left for me?

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