I am a typical Libra.
Look up anything written about us and I am a perfect match. We strive for balance but often fail to find it. Our pendulum swings when it should be holding steady and they often swing the exact opposite way in which you had hoped. Knowing this about myself I try to create firm rules before any big next step. I try set boundaries so I can avoid all that swinging.
When we started the foster care process we made some decisions. We had to choose the age of the children we wanted, we were asked about gender, medical issues, race, religion etc. We made all of these decisions easily and without hesitation.
We knew we would need to purchase a great deal of baby gear to get licensed and were fine with that. We said we would choose, safe, attractive items that fit into our budget. We would not go overboard, we would not choose “dream” items. After all, nothing is certain in the foster system. We could not get licensed, not get a child or only have a child briefly. Why set ourselves up for more heartache?
So, we have been carefully searching for the most important item; the crib. I thought I found the perfect one weeks ago. The next logical step was bedding. As a general rule I hate baby bedding. None of it appeals to me. I used to tell S that when we had a baby we would have to have something made, because I would never find anything I liked. I do not know why, but for some things I must have something unique and all together perfect. I mean, it took me 9 months to find a wedding invitation I found suitable. 9 months!!! I remembered our deal though. I quickly found something I would label “cute”. It was gender neutral, affordable and well, cute.
However, something came over me last night. It dawned on me that this may be our only chance to parent. We might not be able to afford treatment, or it may not work. This could be it. My heart ached, my eyes filled with tears. I stared at the extra room and allowed the thoughts to take over. This might be our only nursery. Why shouldn’t it be special in every way? Why shouldn’t we have something unique and special going on in here?
Uh-oh.
Against my better judgement I sat at the computer and searched for the exquisite. I went slack- jawed at the round crib, my breath literally taken away. It was gorgeous and unique and very special. It was also $1,500.00. I calculated the amount of sperm that could buy, the number of OOP HSG’s, bloodwork and meds that equaled. I saw S pack her bags and leave me telling everyone I had lost my ever-lovin mind. I sighed and told myself there was such a thing as too unique, too special. I moved on…
Next, I went hunting for bedding. Something better than cute must exist. I kept looking and then I found it. The perfect bedding. It’s different, but not weird . It’s elegant and almost a tad too fussy to be baby, especially boy baby, bedding. It’s only just slightly more than double the price of the “cute” bedding. I am in love.
It made me cry because I know this might be our only shot and I know that with that bedding and all its perfect coordinating pieces, I will have a little bit of my dream nursery. It may seem stupid to get all worked up over bedding, I know. It’s just that, for me, a crib and bedding makes it seem very real.
A baby might come to live in our home. I may get to push a stroller and make bottles and change diapers. Tiny fingers may grasp mine, I may see a child take their first step, say their first word. I may get a little piece of the dream I have been dreaming for so long.
The pendulum swings away from practical.
Somehow, sensible, practical and plain old cute don’t seem enough when we are buying the stuff dreams are made of.
I am not sure how I will do it, but I will convince S to let me have this one thing. It really is beautiful.
Wanting (and hopefully getting) the bedding shows that you’re opening your heart even wider to the possibilities. You’re doing an amazing thing right now, and I admire all that you’re doing to tangibly help kids in crisis.
Hey, can you tell me (off-blog if you like) where the bedding is from?
I have the same hate for goofy sweet baby bedding and love of things I can’t afford. I hate ordinary looking things too and find myself gasping at the price when I find something I really love. I have decided to mix bits of luxury with bits of Tar.et etc. and it seems to be satisfying me. I have a feeling that for me, this quest for the PERFECT nursery will be completely forgotten the moment I actually have a baby. I am betting that it means so much to me now because it is the one way I feel I can control things that are out of my control. It might be a way for me to feel close to the baby I want and once that closeness is realized, I might not care anymore about the crib or the stroller or the bedside lamp. I don’t know if it is the same for you.
I think you should buy some of the better things that you wish for, the things that make it so special. Give your whole heart to this, be it your bio child or a foster child, and then you will never regret that you didn’t. Maybe you will fall in love with your foster placement and never let him/her go. Maybe you will have a bio child in addition to your foster. You will be a parent though and you should go about it in a way that makes you feel like your dream is coming true.
I can absolutely relate to your yearning for that special dream setting for that special dream baby.
Oh I know the love of very expensive baby things. I too love the round very expensive crib. My friends have it and it really is awesome. It does convert to a youth bed. Could you make it work by saying it would be good for any age foster child??? Just trying to help. Also I would love to know what you like for bedding. I am a real glutton for strollers myself and want a really expensive one. It can never go on a registry because my mother and mil can never know how much it costs. They are too practical new englander for fancy schmancy italian strollers. Isn’t planning a nursery fun!