It’s heaven to be back online. I missed all of your updates, having your support and just being able to get out all I am feeling.

This is the hardest thing I have ever done. I am hoping that means it will turn out to be the most rewarding.

Little C is adorable but very difficult. She has serious speech delays so she communicates by screaming, a lot, over just about everything. Her former foster mom handed her food every timeshe started to tantrum so she has some food issues as well. We also discovered that she was put to sleep with sippy cups full of juice or chocolate milk to keep her from screaming.

It goes without saying that will never happen in our home. I won’t even admit to how much screaming there was the first week. I actually kept the windows closed, I was so afraid someone would call the police, no joke. We have her in a routine now and the crying at nap/bedtime has lessened. The food issue was getting better but then she had a visit with her parents last week and it all fell apart.

I went to her visit and supervised and will do it again tomorrow. I won’t lie. I am dreading it. It’s so hard to watch your hard work come undone in two hours time. It’s hard to bite your tongue when you how inappropriate they are. It sheds a lot of light on why she acts the way she does and what she needs from us. I also can see very clearly why she was removed. I went through an angry few days,  they can have children so easily and treat them so horribly, while so many of us struggle. I will never understand it.

On the plus side, she is the cutest child I have seen in a  long time She has an amazing laugh, loves to play and is very gentle with her sister. I am trying very hard to be patient and not expect miracles, which is tough for me. I want so much to fix everything instantly. I am working on going easy on myself and reminding myself hat she has been through a lot and is headed for the terrible twos.

Her baby sister is joining us Thursday night and I am thrilled. We have spent a lot of time with the baby and already have a strong bond with her. C does very well with her and it’s a nice for her to have  something to focus on, other than food, during the day.

I am catching up on my reader and sending my congratulations, sympathies, excitement and encouragement to you. I really did miss this safe little space .

Thanks for checking in on me, it meant so much to know you were thinking of me.

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