I am pretty sure it’s over. S had a lot of pink, almost red, spotting this afternoon. It’s freaking CD24, on Prometrium. WTF?? I am beyond sick.

She called Dr. M who said the following:

I know H is extremely disappointed in how this cycle has gone. I think she has lost faith in the process and in me. (S stayed silent to confirm) Hey, congrats Dr. M, you have won the understatement of the year award. Enjoy. Oh, and bonus points for implying my lack of faith contributed to this disaster.

It’s possible your progesterone is low.I have been telling you this for months asshat, why haven’t you been testing her like I asked you too?

No, a beta isn’t necessary. If a + doesn’t register on a HPT it isn’t a viable pregnancy. test tonight.UM, bullshit. How many low beta stories have we all heard? You just don’t want to deal with a  c/p.

We could move to IVF, but I was hoping to avoid that. Yeah, us too Mr. S should have no problem getting pregnant, let her go first.

We can always try with H. As if I would let you anywhere near my body.

We can try again with injectables. I will be very aggressive and even ask my nurses to put away some meds for you. I appreciate the thought but I was pretty sure we told you that this was our last shot for a loooong time. Why didn’t you do your best this time?

 I am just sitting here crying and waiting for S to come home. I am just not sure this is going to happen for us. I feel like we have had the worst care by Dr. M and that I was bullied into believing it would be easier if S went first. Every month we fail breaks her heart. She is convinced there is something wrong with her. It hurts me to see her like that.

I am so angry. I want to scream and throw things but I don’t have the energy. I should talk it out but no one knows IRL. I feel totally alone.  I’ll just sit and cry and pray for a miracle. I don’t know what else to do.