Thank You! Sunday, Feb 22 2009 

I want to thank all of you for your wonderful words of encouragement, support and congratulations. I cannot tell you how happy you made me. You also gave me some great advice! I have started checking out some of the sites you mentioned.

I will confess that you planted a dangerous thought in my mind. The registry. S and I would never, ever start a registry for a foster child, it would feel way too weird, for us anyway. Hello, please buy us stuff for a child who may never come to live here. Oy.

But,  I will admit that the fun of choosing all those wonderful clothes, gadgets and things sounded wonderful to me. It did occur to me that we may never have a  chance to register for our own child. We might never have that experience. I was suddenly really, really sad. However, thanks to the miracle of the internet, I was able to have that experience, even if I felt like a big freaking  fraud doing it. Please don’t think I am nuts, I just felt like I had to do it.

I went to a website and made a nifty little  faux registry. I told myself it was a “shopping list” not a registry so I didn’t feel so loserish. I had a lot of fun, got a taste of baby registering and only teared up once or twice. I did tell S about it and she, surprisingly, didn’t think I was nuts. She did chuckle a bit though.

I guess you could say it was therapeutic. My apologies to a certain store for wasting valuable space on their site all so I could feel like a  real mom for a few minutes.

Thank you again for being such amazing women. You are always in my thoughts and prayers.

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Does This Bitchy Make Me Look Fat? Tuesday, Jan 27 2009 

I am in rare form today.

Today I watched the “baby” shows on T..L..C specifically to mock clueless parents and pregnants. Then, when I spotted adorable baby pics in my inbox, I responded without opening them and told the sender how cute they were. A short time after, when the octuplet birth was announced, I told S we needed to find that doctor and use him/her. After that, I let a random internet comment about someone else fostering hurt my feelings after which I cried to S that they would never give us a child.

Excellent.

I am now a bitch, a liar, insane and hypersensitive. Don’t you wish you knew me IRL now 🙂

I think I am just getting excited and anxious for the next step in the fostering process, our home visit. It’s a big hurdle, with a lot of details to nail, and I can be a perfectionist which would explain the nerves.

I also think I am a little sad that neither of our parents seem happy,excited or interested. It would be really nice to have them be a part of this. Perhaps when things get closer to being finalized? I will hope for that.

I want to thank all of you for your wonderful support, encouragement and advice. I am so lucky to have found you.

I am going to sleep off the bitchy and will return full of sunshine and kindness soon.

Still Excited! Thursday, Jan 8 2009 

First, thank you, thank you, thank you for your wonderful, kind and supportive comments. You made my day!

For those of you that asked questions, here is the scoop. We are just fostering, not adopting.  We can change our minds though. We are required to complete 24 hours of training, we have already done 3.  While training we can get everything else done; fingerprints, health screening, home visit etc. We will likely take children under the age of 5, though S can’t seem to make up her mind. We will see.

For fun, and to soothe S’s fears, I hopped onto the T.ar.get site and did a little faux shopping. I added to my cart everything I thought we would need to get the room ready for our home visit. I “bought” basic, but attractive, safe and well-reviewed items. Everything from crib to travel system to bottles and first aid. I threw in some basic baby toys, bedding, rails for a toddler bed even a nifty gadget that tests the temp of the bathwater. I added neutral colored onesies and sleep sacks, eco-friendlier diapers and wipes, a bathtub, organic washcloths, even a highchair. It took forever but when I was done my total was only around $1600. Not bad. I was pleasantly surprised. S wouldn’t admit it, but I think she was too. I think she just worries that we need all of this stuff ASAP. As soon as we have it we can do our home visit!

We are still TTC. My appointment is still on with the super, new , uber fancy, famous Dr. B on Monday. I am still terrified and honestly haven’t a clue how we will afford to set up a nursery and pay oop for meds and treatment. I, however, believe in miracles and fully expect one to show up sometime soon. Now would be good.

I refuse to give up the dream. I know I will find a way to make this work.

Failure is not an option.

Thank You! Wednesday, Dec 31 2008 

Thank you for sharing my disgust and outrage.

Thank you for allowing me to vent.  

Thank you for always being such an amazing source of support. I do not know where I would be without it.

Alrighty Then Tuesday, Nov 11 2008 

I have two random things to share and a thank you.

#1Random Thing- I saw that I had a new incoming link today. I didn’t recognize the info in it so I followed the link. I was led to an evangelical baptist ( I think ) website. There was a lot of scripture being quoted and the burning question, had I been washed in the blood of the lamb? Umm… I am not really sure about that. However, I have been washed in a delicious organic cherry and almond body wash recently. Does that count? I would pay big money to know where my blog is linked on that site!

#2 Random Thing-If you commented that you wanted to exchange holiday cards I have emailed you my address. Check your spam or email me if you did not receive it. Please send me yours as well.

The thank you- As always, you have sent me wonderful advice, suggestions and encouragement for next months cycle. I am so lucky to be part of such a wonderful community. We are still undecided but please know how much your comments helped me feel less alone and make sense of a confusing time.

Hugs to all of you!

Holiday Cheer Friday, Nov 7 2008 

This is usually my very favorite time of year. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, mainly because it isn’t all about gifts. I bake until I run out of time and butter and just genuinely feel warm and cozy all over. It’s a nice way to get ready for Hanukkah/Christmas, the tied-for-second favorite holidays.

I thought it might be nice to share this special time with some of you. I come here twice a day, looking for your updates, praying for great results for you, celebrating and mourning with you. I know it may sound silly, but I feel like you are friends now.

 How would you feel about a holiday card exchange? A simple, inexpensive, but personal, way to send your best holiday wishes and cheer to those you have come to know and care for.

If you have any interest please email me and we will exchange addresses. If you don’t have my email address please leave a comment and I will email you.

Thanks for reading, supporting me and cheering me on. It means so much to me.

So Now We Wait and Pray Monday, Sep 15 2008 

Today’s IUI went well. The bonus follie ovulated as well as the original. One on each side.I am all about balance! The third, or miracle, follie grew  a little more overnight and Dr. M felt pretty sure that it would release as well.

The better news? A fourth follie was discovered today. It may not be big enough to release with a natural surge but just the fact that it was there and had grown was great news for us. S felt really good, like her body was finally cooperating.

We have socks, pineapple and POM on board as well as a combo of Estrace, baby aspirin, Crinone and progesterone capsules. There are a host of photos or drawings of fertility goddesses hanging over our bed and we have added gemstone therapy this time around. S will also eat the traditional McMuffin at implantation. All bases have been covered I would say.

Thank you for all your support and encouragement. It means so much to the both of us. I hope with all our crazy tricks and your great energy I will have some great news to report in a few weeks.

Today is the Big Day Thursday, Jul 17 2008 

IUI #5, here we come!

I managed to do the trigger shot and I have tracked the fish countless times. We should be right on track for our late afternoon appt. I am trying so hard to be positive and hopeful. Nothing can go wrong today, it just can’t. I am praying with all my heart that he didn’t miss ovulation, again and that this this is our lucky cycle.

Thank you all so much for your kindness, wonderful advice, prayers and well-wishes. Each one has made this excruciating cycle a little bit easier to stomach.

“Love and kindness are never wasted. They always make a difference. They bless the one who receives them, and they bless you, the giver.” Barbara De Angelis